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Even as I daily document my autobiography I question the contemporary quest for a regurgitation of intimate details. Narrating my personal biography through a process based conceptual tool that mimics my play as a child, I fabricate text based plastic companion sculptures, create and play with object, video, photography, drawing, and painting. Entwined in the work is a nonsensical re-contextualization of domestic violence seen through a constant flux of daily perception.

My work operates on the edges of memories- triggered by something read, dreamt, the touch/ tactile quality of a material, the long forgotten smell. Like memories and dreams, oftentimes they only make sense when I am in the midst of creating.
“Remember riding in Grandpa’s car? He had thick diamond
patterned plastic on royal blue seats. Did I fall asleep? Where did we go?” she questioned.
“Hm. Mother’s car. Yes, I do recall the bitter cold ride from the Iron Range.”
As we pulled out of the driveway we knew the charred and burned out shell of a house was there even though we couldn’t see through the frost encrusted on the windows.
My paintings are currently dominated by appropriated and made images. From historical narratives, contemporary media sources, and daily commutes I cobble together fragmented and fleeting figurative landscapes that visualizing waking dreamscapes. Images repeat over and over like a skip in a record. Concentration on place that is in transition whether urban or rural- centers the image upon the waking state where dreams and reality divide.

Viewing the proliferation of reality television, tell all books, as a form of self-harm, self-flagellations, I am constantly searching for the “acceptable” line in my autobiographical work. Much of this work is all about gossiping, blabbing too much, talking, talking, about oneself. Putting all your crap out there for the world can feel very empowering, you are flying. The problem with flying is the landing. How can I safely land this crazy aircraft? I always feel like I am wearing waxed-on wings and flying too close to the sun. Honesty comes with a price. Just ask Tracy Emin. People look at you a little differently.

I consider the idea of fashion, consumer/ advertising images, fascination with celebrity, reality TV behind or a reflection upon issues of self-identity and pursuant self-harm that comes in many forms such as promiscuity, eating disorders, cutting, etc. These are issues that give the survivor of violence a semblance of control. And, if I am perfect then possibly I may be worthy of human dignity and love. I use a combination of performing with plastic companions and appropriated sound to form video that disrupts the space of the painting and drawings. Plastic companions, text and process based sculptures, also encroach upon the visual space while giving and simultaneously denying the public their daily dose of Tabloid Re-gurgitations. Oh, you know that crap you read on the store shelves that sucks you in, it is exciting, at first, like pornography. Then you want more. Similar to gossip and reality TV, makes you empty as you consume and yes, we consume people. My public and private persona is something managed in consumptable yet provisional packages.

I just don't think as a culture we realize the historical precedents in society that somehow seems to reward self-harm. I have been a little stuck on Gustave Flaubert's writing, particularly the Temptation of St Anthony. His style is very descriptive and if the setting was more current it could play on CSI. The narrative is crunchy and dark like my current fascination with the vivid imagery of cop shows, self-help shows, and reality TV. The Temptation of St. Anthony shows the dark side of Roman Catholicism (something to which my autobiography begs). St. Anthony flogs himself, denies himself, and hides himself and then becomes a Saint for his work in the church.

I recently picked up a magazine, Skateboarding, or something like that with image after image of men flying through the air. A few images show the blood and gore after. They are badges of honor. I am connecting with these guys who are throwing themselves in the air. Historical and contemporary sanctioned self-flagellations consumed through media.

It seems as if sport and television offer a controlled outlet, a safe outlet for the release of pain. When a teenager cuts in private it is not sanctioned, but, she can go on Dr. Phil and chase away the demons. Is watching this on TV just like flying in my dream? Virtual reality? Freud thought this tendency to violence was a human instinct that could manifest outward or inward. When we watch someone destruct on TV does that compensate for our natural inclination towards destruction? Is television the modern equivalent of the Parthenon?

If an artist can only be who she is, if an artist is always observing that to which is the most intimate, how can I not have this material in my work? This is a double edged sword. You want to know what you know when you know it you don’t want to know. Why do I need to share my interior and exterior destructions in a national setting? What do I get for speaking of murder and domestic violence through an autobiographical lens?

sticky water/ the veil/ denial

2007
acrylic on canvas
274 x 182 cm

sticky water/ timeline

2008
charcoal, acrylic, house paint on canvas
135 x 261 cm

sticky water/ and when you tried to kiss me I only shut my mouth

2008
Charcoal, gesso, acrylic on canvas
123 x 245 cm

be uncomfortable/ heaven forbid

2008
Charcoal, gesso, acrylic on canvas
123 x 245 (4 x 8 feet)

white cold

2009
Charcoal, gesso, acrylic on stretched canvas
123 x 245 cm (4 x 8 feet)

Did Absalom’s beauty lure you as well? St Anthony’s temptation was like a fragile onion.

2009
charcoal, gesso, acrylic on two stretched canvas panels
48”(123 cm) x 60”(152cm) (120”) (305cm)

rush rush

2009

day one of the rest of your life

day 700 of the rest of your life

brother

teleyvision

2009
Charcoal, gesso, watercolor, acrylic on stretched canvas
48 x 96 inches

exodus colonization

2009
Charcoal, gesso, pencil, acrylic on stretched canvas
48 x 96 inches

consumptable deniability

2009

consumptable deniability four

2009

five daredevil stunts

2009
acrylic on stretched linen
48 x 96 inches

consumptable deniability two

2009
one plastic companion, sharpie, thread, bias tape, zipper, 1965 Simplicity pattern, size 12

flagellations oblations

2009
acrylic on stretched canvas
48 x 96 inches

beach bodies/ airconditioning

2009
gesso, ink, watercolor on paper
22 x 30 inches

beach bodies/ the refrigerator

2009
Watercolor, ink on paper
22 x 30 inches

beach bodies/ washing machine

2009
Watercolor, gesso, ink on paper
22 x 30 inches